Is it
the right time to begin dating?
Before you begin to date
Head to toe
Where to find a date
Writing a personal ad
For safety’s sake...
Use common sense
Is it the right time to begin dating?
NOT THE RIGHT TIME...
1. When you are lonely, sad or feeling sorry for yourself. This is the time when you go looking for someone because you NEED to find someone. When you search for someone out of NEED, that will cause you to become dependent. You will be looking for someone to make you feel okay. Some times when this may occur are:
- When you have lost someone close to you, a parent, a best friend, a pet
- When you have just lost your job -- this is a rotten feeling, but you should find a job before you begin dating someone new. Having a job will help you to feel stable and then you will not need to be dependent on someone else for all the necessities (food, a place to live, etc.).
2. When you need a place to live... You should concentrate on finding a place to live. This will mean that you won’t choose someone because THEY have a place to live. You would not want this to be the reason you would tend to overlook all the things you hope to find, with a potential new person.
THE RIGHT TIME
The right time to begin dating is when you are content with the way your life is going. You like your job, you have friends you enjoy being with and you can think of people from previous relationships without activating an ulcer or raising your blood pressure.
If you are feeling cheerful and confident and are happy and busy, that is the time to begin to think about dating. You will be able to figure out what you want and you will be able to present a more accurate picture of yourself. Be clear about what you are seeking. Go slowly -- think of the traits that are most appealing to you, but realize that no one person will possess ALL of what you are hoping to find.
Before you begin to date
1. VOLUNTEER, GIVE A LITTLE....
To help build confidence in yourself, volunteer your time, your energy, your expertise. It will be a help to someone else, they will show their appreciation by thanking you and you will feel good in the process.
2. TAKE A CHANCE
Try something you didn’t think you could do. Doing something difficult, whatever the result, will help to build your confidence.
3. WATCH OUT
Beware of false confidence! Stay away from alcohol or other chemical substances. You may feel confident, but others will think you are drunk, high, or just a jerk!
Real confidence comes from trusting and knowing yourself. It is okay to realize and accept that you aren’t perfect. No one is perfect. Just try to believe in yourself and know that you will do the best that you can, with what you’ve got.
Head to toe
Check out your appearance. Have a friend do this with you.
1. Are you dressing age appropriately? Sometimes what you wear can give the impression of how you feel about yourself. For instance, if you feel insecure do you dress so that no one will notice you? Try to wear clothes that make you feel wonderful.
2. Are your shoes in good condition? Shiny or worn, fashionable or comfortable? Are the laces tied or broken or mismatched? Shoes that are not comfortable are going to hurt your feet and will not put you in a good mood.
3. Is your hair neatly groomed?
4. Are you wearing too much make-up?
5. Are your hands and nails really clean?
Where to find a date
Almost anyplace can be the right place. The best places are:
1. Ones in which you have an interest in what is happening. This increases the chance that you will have something in common with the people you will meet there.
2. Places where you feel safe.
3. Adult Education classes, college, special interest classes (photography, acting, pottery, etc.)
4. In line at the movies or the supermarket.
5. Stores -- Grocery stores, the video store, laundromats. Bookstores are a good meeting place. They offer comfortable chairs, coffee, food, live entertainment and speakers.
6. Restaurants -- Some restaurants have tables set aside for the single diner.
7. Places of Worship -- In addition to meeting people who share your religious convictions, special events are often sponsored by a church or synagogue, for singles.
8. Volunteer Activities
9. Health Clubs
10. Political Campaigns
Writing a personal ad
1. GET IN TOUCH WITH YOURSELF
Before attempting to write a personal ad that really says you, it’s a good idea to do some serious thinking about your likes and dislikes.
Think about your assets and liabilities.
What are some of the things your family and friends like about you?
What do your friends criticize about you?
2. MR/MS RIGHT
When describing your perfect match, get beyond the physical. Instead focus on what you think you would enjoy doing together (going to museums, hiking, dancing, etc.)
What would you talk about when the two of you would be alone?
3. NOW GIVE THOUGHT TO
Age: An acceptable age range of the person you are hoping to find.
Educational Background: What is important to you? Should they be a college graduate? Is it a requirement for them to have an advanced degree? If someone owns their own business, do you find this attractive?
Appearance: Appearance is important to most people. Are you looking for someone who is up on the latest fashion styles? What is absolutely not acceptable to you?
Religious Issues: How important is it that the person you date is of the same religious affiliation?
Smoking Habits: Do you care if someone smokes or would you rather they didn’t smoke?
4. MORE TO THINK ABOUT BEFORE COMPOSING AN AD
What are you looking for -- a friend, romance, companionship, commitment?
Consciously focus on your values and what you have been dreaming about, possibly for years! Look at ads in newspapers, magazines and online. Choose the ones that read well to you. You can use these as models to help you create an ad.
For safety’s sake...
For at least the first date, don’t go in one car. Instead, arrange to meet wherever you are going -- always meet in a public place. It is usually best to meet for lunch or coffee. Try to keep the initial meeting to under a couple of hours. There will be time for longer dates, if you find that you have things in common and enjoy each other’s company.
Let a friend or relative know where you are going and when you expect to be home. Don’t let anyone bring you home. Don’t give anyone new your address, at least not on a first encounter.
Use common sense
Avoid dating someone from your place of work. If it doesn’t work out, you may lose your job or have to see the person everyday after the breakup. This can be stress inducing and very uncomfortable!
Bars are not the best place to meet someone -- they are too dark and noisy. In addition to that, people may be drinking. This won't allow you to have a clear idea of who you are meeting and talking to.
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